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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Support for those with Schizoid Disorders' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 13th, 2012
3:42 am
Alive and Kicking?
Is this community alive and kicking?
Would be nice to spark up some friendly chat with fellow sufferers
Saturday, December 6th, 2008
11:05 am
International Post OT III Day!
The following is the sacred document in Scientology known as OTIII. Scientologists deny it exists as part of their Operating Thetan literature. It was written by L. Ron Hubbard in 1967. Hubbard wrote that if you read this document before you have achieved a level of scholarship, you will get pneumonia and die. The cost to get to that level: $360,000.

“The head of the Galactic Confederation (76 planets around larger stars visible from here) (founded 95,000,000 yrs ago, very space opera) solved overpopulation (250 billion or so per planet -- 178 billion on average) by mass implanting. He caused people to be brought to Teegeeack (Earth) and put an H Bomb on the principal volcanoes (Incident 2) and then the Pacific area ones were taken in boxes to Hawaii and the Atlantic Area ones to Las Palmas and there "packaged." His name was Xenu. He used renegades. Various misleading data by means of circuits etc. was placed in the implants. When through with his crime (R/)Loyal Officers (to the people) captured him after 6 years of battle and put him in an electronic mountain trap where he still is. "They" are gone. The place (Confed.)has since been a desert.” - Hubbard

See it in his original handwriting at xenu.net. Learn more about the fight against the criminal cult of Scientology on whyweprotest.net. Make a different by copy-pasting this and posting it somewhere else as part of International Post OTIII Day and in honor of Lisa McPherson, who died on Dec 5 1995 after being starved to death by Scientologists.

Also, Scientology claims that Psychiatrists did the Holocaust.           



Thursday, August 10th, 2006
9:56 pm
College students?
Are there any college students here? How do you deal with the stress of classes and stuff without completely flipping out? I'm working on my history thesis now, and I start to freak out every time I work on it. I tried the campus counselling center, going to group therapy for a few semesters, and it didn't work out too well. I just didn't feel like it was helpful. Plus, the people who ran the group made it very clear that you weren't supposed to be friends with any of the other group members outside of group. I can understand why they say that, but it still seems a little weird.

Almost done! One more semester!

Current Mood: okay
9:36 pm
My doctor has recently said that her tentative diagnosis for me is bipolar, not otherwise specified, but she also repeatedly states that she's never heard of something like this before, and doesn't know how to go about diagnosing it. She's pretty convinced it's a seizure disorder, but a mild enough one that the effects are mostly nullified by drugs like Abillify and Risperdal (which I am now off, seeing as it made me start LACTATING [wtf??])

So I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels the way I do when I have my episodes. My vision seems to change, it's like nothing works right, things move differently and they all seem to run together, but completely disconnected from one another. It also usually seems like the whole world is falling apart around me, and I'm the last sane person left in it. I don't know how else to describe it. Things blur and hyperfocus and flicker and generally just go to hell as I pass them by. Sometimes, at the end, though, it seems like everything that I see and hear flow together perfectly, like I've just witnessed the full revelation of the meaning of life in the way three words and a tree interact with one another.

So, my question is, does anyone else experience this? If so, please tell me what you've been diagnosed as having. I'd love to have a name for this, however meaningless it is.
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
8:44 pm
Intro rant
I'm Becky, a 27-year-old former journalist (back before I became disabled due to mental health issues) and writer. I have schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. I became disabled during Basic training in the Army. I've since converted to the Mennonite tradition (which includes strict non-violence and an emphasis on social justice). I have a B.A. in journalism from Baylor University in Waco, Texas, and I'm pursuing a degree in multimedia/web design.

I am on SSDI, SSI, enrolled in Medicare, Medicaid pending, and going back to school via vocational rehabilitation. I'm supposed to be receiving food stamps, but you know how government loves to move slow.

I've been on so many meds it's faster to say what I haven't been on than what I have been on. We've learned the hard way I have adverse reactions to lithium and Depakote (basically they kick me into rapid mood swings--as in a couple of hours rapid). Currently I'm on Effexor XR, Geodon, and Trazadone. They seem to work fine, but they can't change the fact that I'm sick of watching myself deteriorate.

I just returned from my seventh hospitalization. I've come to the conclusion that there's no way I could get my BA if I had to do it today--and that's raising serious questions about the degree I'm currently pursuing. I'm basically joining this community looking for support--I don't know anyone else with this diagnosis and I'm not so good at meeting people (back when I was a journalist it came easy, but now...).

Just thought I'd drop in and say hi.
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
11:27 pm
Stress stress stress, stress and Risperdal
So it's exam time, and I have approx. 10 billion papers to write. I've been getting ultra-paranoid, I guess because of the stress and my procrastinatory tendencies, and anyways, I've been prescribed a low dose of Risperdal, to take as needed. It's supposed to kick start the Abilify without making me sleepy, like Xanax does. (I was on it a while back, but I don't even remember it. There've been a lot of meds, you know how it goes.)

Anyone had any good/bad experience with Risperdal? My main concern is that it'll knock me out--I usually get stressed right before I go to school, so if I take it then and fall asleep while I'm driving, I'm pretty much screwed.

Current Mood: sleepy
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
8:12 am
Schizoaffective Disorder
Hello. My name is Adrienne, and I'm new around here. I'll just cut to the chase - I've been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. I see and hear things, and with it comes a very strong manic depression. I was wondering, how many of you have this disorder? I'm also looking to meet new people who have similar experiences. I'm very glad I found this community. It gets a bit stifling when I don't have anyone (besides my doctor) to talk to about my diagnosis.

Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
1:59 am
Can anyone tell me what they think?
Hi. My name is Lauren, and I'm 18 years old. I don't know if I'm looking in the right place, but I don't know where else to try, so here I am.
Over the past several months, I've been going through some odd changes, and I don't know what they mean. At first, I heard a voice, who never said anything much that was comprehensible- mostly just numbers, colors etc, all blundered together. That only happened a few times, and it hasn't happened in the past month or so. For a couple of days, I saw demons, following me, one in particular that I really didn't like. That stopped. I also had periods of time in which I couldn't remember anything, blackouts. Now I've started seeing things in lights, especially streetlights and headlights on the highway. They're always teeth and mouths when they change. There's also a presence that comes sometimes, I can't explain what it is. It comes after me, and I think it's going to kill me. The thing that happens most often is when I'm out, driving or with friends or in class, wherever, sometimes the world stops. Nothing moves like it should, nothing affects anything else right. I can't describe it, but the whole world fades away. Everything twists different, if that makes any sense, probably not. I can't remember people, what I'm supposed to do with them or say to them, and I can't talk right. I know that none of this is real, in the strictest sense. I don't know what to do, though. My grandmother on my mother's side was schizophrenic, we think- we're not exactly sure, because 1960's-70's mental health care was not always the best, and she was an alcoholic and a drug addict besides, so who knows. But in any case, it means that because of things that happened in her childhood, talking to my mother is not an option. I tried, and it upset her. I haven't gone to a doctor or been diagnosed with anything. I just need some advice. Does this sound like schizophrenia, or another disorder like that? I don't know the names. I haven't been on any drugs during the strange things, or really at any point during the last few months, and I drink rarely and very little, so I don't think it's been a substance problem.
Sorry if I rambled, I'm just looking for some advice.
Saturday, April 1st, 2006
5:10 am
Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
5:14 am

I am new to this community.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2002 during a nice 2 week stay at the psychiatric hospital.
I am not taking my anti-psych meds right now because of the side effects but I am on a mood stabilizer, Lithium.
I also find omega-3's to be helpful.
I am an insomniac.
I also have ADD.
So... I am on state aid, getting disability money and food stamps for mental illness. That is embarrassing to admit to people, especially as I had dreams of "doing more" with my life.
I have a daughter, Sienna, who turned 2 on the 13th this month.
I have a hard time leaving the house, getting up, meeting people, dealing with social situations...
I lay down in bed and all I can think about is death and dying. I was on Wellbutrin for a couple months last year and had to stop it because I was up all night crying.
I have tried every psych med out there, have had wrong diagnoses made, have been treated shittily by the medical community also.
So, that's me.
Nice to meet you.
Monday, February 20th, 2006
9:30 pm
I'm sure it's schizophrenia.
Finally, after so many years of madness, I decided to go back and consult a specialist. It might be good for me. But, as some of you might know, I never got diagnosed or prescribed meds so I'm afraid... but I need help so much. I can relate so much with what is said here in this livejournal... but the 'specialists', psychiatrists or whatever don't believe me or don't take it seriously when I tell them about the 'real things'. I read a lot about schizophrenia and related 'disorders' and I can relate a lot with this, so I'm quite sure this is what I have, but it definitely began in early childhood - there was never any 'life before this disorder' - it always have been this way. I don't know if I really want the specialists to 'discover' it and diagnose it or not... If it's bad or good for me. Anyway, just wanted to share this...

Current Mood: relaxed
Friday, February 10th, 2006
11:42 am
I was disagnosed very loosely with schizophrenia about two years ago. But this past week, I was formally diagnosed and placed on medication. It's been very scarey for me, never knowing whats real and whats not. But hopefully, though time, I can get better.
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
8:06 pm
hey guys....support groups/group therapy???
hey guys, i hope you are all doing well. i'm just curious. i'm being required to attempt a group therapy program and support groups on my return to my college starting this coming week, and i've never done the whole group therapy thing before. does anyone have any suggestions/comments/advice on them, what to do, things to say, et cetera? thanks guys....

x-posted in: fightdepression, bipolar_world, and schizofriends
Saturday, September 24th, 2005
11:42 pm
deinrailment of schizo jesusfucker disorder
hi my names aaron and im nuts just NUTS! MAD! BONKERS! INSANE! CRAZY! LOONEY! absolutly fucked upstairs. i have schizophrenia form and ive had so much fun having the dis-ease. its hard to believe but it is quite interesting and kinda crazy if u know what i mean (nudge nudge wink wink). it gets annoying but its ya know....amusing seeing people in my head and talking to them. u see i had this thing where i i thought everybody was confusing everybody threw their thoughts but thats the thing its THEIR thoughts which are my thoughts but who cares anyway theyre just thoughts. THOUGHTS! anyway im on meds now but it doesnt stop my freethinking mind and all you dickholes can gurgle on sum nutt for all i care. im much better now.
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
7:43 pm
Books and movies
Has anyone read The Madness of Adam and Eve, by David Horrobin? If so, is it worth reading? I can't get it at my library, so I'd like to hear some opinions before I buy it. I've read a summary or two, it looks like it might have an interesting perspective on mental conditions. I like the title, anyways. :)

I saw this movie a few nights ago, What the Bleep Do We Know!?. . .on the surface, it has little to do with schizoid disorders and psychoses in general, but it got me thinking about a few things. The movie's about quantum physics and spirituality and the nature of reality--some of the people interviewed talked about how reality is really determined by your mind, and how there's a difference between perception and reality. Even though it's about physics, I found it intriguing and not too confusing (and I'm not a science person), and some of the comments about reality made me think about schizoaffective disorder/schizophrenia.

I have people inside my head who talk to each other, and comment on things that I see and hear. They don't interact with me that much. Most people would call these people "imaginary" or "created," but if reality is just perception, who's to say they're not just as real as you or me? The movie also goes into how thought can change reality--so if I did want to get rid of the people in my head (which I don't), could I do it just by concentrating my thought? Is that even possible? Where does medicine play into all this? Anyway, even though it's not directly related to psychiatric conditions, I really recommend this movie, it made me think about so many things.

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, September 10th, 2005
5:52 pm
Going off meds?
OK, I'm going to try and make this short. I started on Prozac about 4 years ago, and I've been on some antidepressant ever since. I don't know if this is a coincidence or what, but after I started on the Prozac I just had no interest in reading anymore. I used to read all the time, but now I just don't have the attention span for it. It might be because I'm less depressed, that I want to spend more time out doing stuff and less time inside, alone, reading. I don't know.

Anyways, I'm still not doing that great, and I'd really like to start reading again (I'm in college, so reading textbooks and stuff is kind of important). I miss it! For this and other reasons, I've decided to go off my antidepressants (zoloft and welbutrin) and stay on my antipsychotic (abilify--when I miss my dose for a few days I have really bad nightmares). I just started today; I didn't take the welbutrin, and I took half a zoloft.

So my question is, has anyone had any experiences, good or bad, from going off their meds? I guess I'm being pretty stupid by not talking to my psychiatrist about this, but he'd just tell me to take more meds, that's what he gets paid for (I'm cynical, in case you couldn't tell). Anybody have anything to say about zoloft and/or welbutrin in particular? Am I making a big mistake?

Current Mood: curious
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
6:29 pm
Hi All
Hey everyone. My name is Emilie from NC and I have a mild case of paranoid schizophrenia. I'll probably talk about it later, but I am really not comfortable with that just yet. I joined this group so that maybe I'll be able to talk about everything.

So...I was just popping in to say hi!
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
10:20 am

The poem below is a pretty good description of my night last nightpoemCollapse )</font>

Thursday, September 1st, 2005
11:18 am

I have yet to get a real response regarding what my doctor thinks about the diagnosis from the hospital stating that I have schizophrenia and schizoaffective.  I have decided that they don't really care and are just messing with my mind to see how I will react.  My meds also are slowly deconstructing my body, ever since they put me on them it has been one problem after another, but they keep telling me nothing is wrong.  I want to stop them, but I am afraid of what will happen, if I mess up their study they will be very angry with me and I do not want to bear that wrath, I fear if I stop them the things in my body will get worse.  I have gone to my regular doctor, but they say the same thing nothing wrong, so I am getting an echocardiagram of my heart done next week, because I think my doctor is afraid I may blow up like a time bomb and then she will be to blame, when really it was the people at the study.  They smile nice at you and try to gain your confidence by being a friend to you.... I gave in one day and I shouldn't have, now they have some of the keys to my secrets, not all of them, only a few many I kept hidden from their view.  The study coordinator said that I am not schizophrenic because her psych grad students intake interviews said so, but you had better believe that they are not qualified when half the time they just sat there looking at me confused and dumbfounded because I was talking over their heads.  They annoyed me when they did not understand so after a while I just gave up on trying to explain things to them, it is rather exhausting to to teach the ignorant and judgemental. 

My mind seems to be almost non-exsistant lately since so much disappears or is being changed on me.  It is frustrating, and I don't know what to do.  I say one thing happened  a day ago or even two hours ago and the people I am around say another....are they trying to manipulate me to think I am a bad person or am I not able to hold on to my own memories and thoughts.  It seems as though my perception of everything is off, I perceive something as tense or stressed and everyone elses says that it was fine.  It is also getting nearly impossible to be alone anymore because I am always afraid that someone is watching me or will break in to the house.  even going upstairs to be at night if I am by myself or if everyone else is already asleep is hard because I am afraid people have snuck in and are hiding up there.  When I walk from buildings to my car I feel as if I am being followed, even going from my house to the car in broad daylight. 

I have been thinking about talking to the person who took me down the path of Shamanism three years ago to help me again, it seemed like things were easier to deal with then.  I was told back when I was studying that many Shamans are schizophrenic they just learn how to use the symptoms to their advantage and to "function" in society. 

Sorry this got so long and kind of ranty in some spots I just had to share with people who may be able to understand a bit more of what I am going through.

Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
6:27 pm
No hope anymore for a diagnosis
Hello, I just joined and it says we should say 'hi!' so here I am.

The thing is, I've never had the chance (or bad luck??) to get a real diagnosis from anyone.

So I am here with all my problems and symptoms related to all those schizophrenia and schizo other things that everyone is sharing here, and I can relate so much about these... But I've never succeeded in getting any helpfrom anyone competent enough.

Instead, I need to do some self-therapy that I develop by myself (I have no other choice!): I use art, creation, music, writing and other creative ways so that I better understand myself and it helps me to progress. It's not perfect, very far from it, but... personally, I find it better than doctors, hospitals and meds (those are some xtra-stress for me).

Current Mood: curious
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